There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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