dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
