I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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