Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
