An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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