I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
