If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was like eating out sand paper
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
