kristin has been a bad kristin
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
