im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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