How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
