I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
