Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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