come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
