Welp...herpes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
