I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
