I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
