We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
