All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
