What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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