he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
