I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
