There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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