fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
