She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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