When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
