I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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