Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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