I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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