I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
