well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
