guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
