Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
