How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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