i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
