it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
