i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
