Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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