is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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