Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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