If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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