I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
