I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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