Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
