Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
