My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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