I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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