Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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