I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
