haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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