Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
