I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
