my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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