i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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