I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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