i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
